According to Terrence Real, author of The New Rules of
Marriage,
"Of the countless people I've listened to in my practice
and in workshops, only a tiny percentage proactively shape their
relationships. Most people of either sex do not do the hard work of sitting
down, clearly identifying their relational wants and needs, figuring out how
best to ask for them, going after them, and then, if the first attempt
fails, regrouping, rethinking, and trying again. What both sexes seem to do
equally and remarkably well is complain."
How much are you complaining? Is it working for you? Would a
request work better?
Which statement would you rather hear?
"Geez, honey, I've been working all day and when I come
home I just want to relax. It's always chaos around here when I get home! Can't
you keep the kids quiet for once?"
OR
"Dear, I've had a really tough day. Would you mind finding
something to occupy the kids for about an hour while I unwind? I'll be glad to
read to them later this evening."
The first statement is a complaint. The second statement is a
request.
What are your complaints? How can you turn the complaints you have into requests?
And...avoiding conflict to keep the peace, rather than being
truthful, leads to resentment, NOT harmony!
~~~
Men need to be respected and appreciated. How do you respect
and appreciate your partner? Remember: criticizing your partner for doing
something wrong does NOT inspire him to be more of anything. It will not inspire
him to be more responsible, more communicative, more generous, more present,
more of anything.
It's not too late to start, and it's never to early to begin!
How can coaching help? As your coach, I will help you
explore what you want from your partner and help you develop strategies on how
to get what you want. I will help you develop simple but effective ways to deal
with conflict.
I would love to read about
your comments about this page!
